batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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