I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
