that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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