The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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