HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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