apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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