My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
