If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
