Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
