My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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