After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
