Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
