Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
