I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
