If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
