So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
