This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
