After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
