Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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