When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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