my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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