I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
