There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
