Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
