Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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