i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
