shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
