See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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