Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
