new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
