so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
