five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
smell my finger.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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