oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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