I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
