guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
