Don't make out with my wife yet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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