While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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