i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
