I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
