..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
