even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
