either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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