I'm going to jail i love you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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