I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
