Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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