So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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