Best friends brother. Beat that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Come on in and take your pants off
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