I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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