ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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