You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
